4 Ways to Keep Social Media & Self Worth Separate

Do you judge me based on my facebook profile? You should. You should judge how accurately, effectively & engagingly I am able to present my personal brand. Alternatively, how bad I am at it. Or if you’re looking at my personal page: how little I care about that. Yep. That’s right. Even if you are not a business, or a business person, online: facebook & social media is STILL just a Brand.

1. Social Media is a Brand, NOT an Identity

At the time of writing this my profile picture was of a ginger cat biting a piano… I had gotten sick of being judged by this medium. About a year ago I realized how sickeningly absorbed my identity & sense of self was wrapped up in social.

And in my observation, the happiest fb profiles have sometimes belonged to the saddest lives. I didn’t want that to be me. It wasn’t real. I could tell & this lightening crack happened where I needed to separate me from it. I tried to get off completely, but Spotify wouldn’t let me. I took it as a sign to remain, but change. It was then I decided to brand myself online (in a professional capacity) and leave my personal identity to … my personal life!

After a year, my Instagram etcetera has softened into a personal brand. I have separate accounts for my personal on Facebook. It’s still an avatar. And it irks me to hear people irl judging me on my social engagement (especially on my personal page). If you’re impressed by high engagement on pages I take seriously, you should realize that’s work I put in. And if you’re unimpressed that my profile pic on my personal page got 3 likes, you’re missing something very important.

Everyone is Branding

I’m also realizing that the difference between my Self & my avatar was always there, that everyone is actually branding online, and that we really need to understand that when someone sings a song, draws a picture, or posts a status—it’s an expression of their self, at BEST, and not an actual defining moment. At worst, it’s contrived drivel they posted for likes!

In other words, people’s art isn’t WHAT they are, it’s merely WHO they are to the world at large… Facebook pages are no different. They’re a personal brand, a skin colour, not a character or a personality. It’s certainly not a connection—that’s why people don’t change strangers’ minds on fb! Fb itself recognizes this. It’s slogan is “stay” connected, not “get” connected.

And, No, You Don’t Need to Care About that At All

Don’t get me wrong. I love fb. I love to cruise through the site giving everyone high-fives, like shooting out a thumbs-up from across the room: “Aw, hey Frank! Nice beard!” *like. And I’m sure many people have wildly active fb profiles and are truly loved and adored irl. I’m a giant fan of having a place people can grab some info about me on their own time and keeping in touch with people I meet from all over. But let’s be clear: your character does not fit into little white-spaced boxes with blue headers.

And do not forget, fb was designed by a really neat, smart & talented… sophomore in university. It is software designed with the parameters of what a (19 yo) Mark Zuckerberg cared about. It really doesn’t define you. Or, anyone. It can’t even define Mark Zuckerberg anymore! (He’s cool. Read about him.) Even if it could give us real insight to his character, he wrote the code a decade ago!

2. People Who Judge You On Social Are Lacking Authenticity

I’ve spoken to friends who have existential crises over not getting likes… That’s an issue—social can’t provide any stable sense of identity & I really hope we aren’t judging people by it. I think I got 4 likes on my ginger-cat-eating-piano profile pic? It’s actually character building. To be face-ignored. Because it doesn’t really matter.

If we’re going to draw a hierarchy between what matters concerning connection & relationship—fb presence, I hope, is not nearing the top. It’s fun, it’s important in our world, and it’s important (to me) to be authentically presenting myself in a public way … Facebook represents my public self.

3. Your Social Presence is as Important as You Make it

A month after I drafted this article, my experience with it backslid a little. It’s a slippery slope, truly. A month after writing this & proclaiming my strength in/against social, I noticed a slip—I found myself seeking connection in the app, with all of the invulnerability of being at home in my shell & none of the satisfaction of intimacy. And this habit rerouted me to trying to find personal meaning online again!

But now I have some pretty hefty followings on other platforms (my brand does) and focussing on that growth became personal: I was slipping back through the very actions I was taking to distance myself from it! That’s when I recalibrate. Remeber this IS important to me, but in a ‘bring the people what they want’ way. And my personal social media: it isn’t for anyone but me.

Connection is What is Truly Important

It’s a strange & troubling thing. When we’re reminded of the treacherous gaps in our connection by addiction & depression rates sometimes fatally affecting our communities, it is just so important to me to notice these things. To recalibrate and remember connection, confidence & comfort is found elsewhere. Truly.

I Use Social as a Form of Art, for Better (Engagement) or Worse

It’s now been quite a few months since I initially wrote this… and I’m feeling pretty confident that social is just another form of art. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t think we necessarily judge people on their art aside form perhaps feeling like we’ve glimpsed their souls or their personal message to the world… Indeed, some of the greatest love song writers are the worst at love!

We can’t necessarily imagine what people present is the opposite to who they truly are, but in the same vein we can’t really take for granted that we are able to judge who someone is based on their social. I’ve unfollowed people I genuinely enjoy spending time with because I don’t care for their posts at all! I hope that when people meet me, they’d be open to getting to know me. My social definitely reflects parts of me, but it isn’t definitive of my relationship to you personally—it speaks of little but my relationship to the world as a whole. It’s important, perhaps, but it isn’t everything.

4. Ultimately, Your Social Says What You Want it to Say: the Personal is Elsewhere

Facebook isn’t life. It’s just a tool of the living. Dont judge yourself based on software. It’s inadequate. And please don’t judge me. It’s such a loss to do so—real life is flashing by every moment & so are our chances for confidence, comfort & connection.

9 Replies to “4 Ways to Keep Social Media & Self Worth Separate”

  1. This is so poignant in a way. Social media is an art and I worry that younger people especially cannot see that. We use social media to brand our life. Thanks for the reminder sometimes I also fall into the social media = real life trap and then I have to remind myself it is not.

    1. Yes! So much. My friends who are even just a couple years younger than me (I was 16 when FB came out & was hardly interested – I feel like I’m the last generation that was raised, kinda, without it) place a lot of their self worth on social… It’s quite a world we’re navigating! Thx for sharing 🙂

  2. It’s so true.. I was so stuck on being perfect on social media that I didn’t get anything done! I wouldn’t post a photo of me unless it’s perfect and so much more. Social media can take over your life if not careful and thank God I have a husband who keeps it real! I love this post and I think more people need to know this!

    1. Oh my gosh, right??? Like, 25 selfies later… Haha. Keep in mind, photographers take 100s of shots too – to find the right ones. It’s kinda how art goes. You are not alone!!

  3. What a great reminder that social media isn’t real life!

  4. I have such a love/hate relationship with social media. I love to use it and connect/share with people, but sometimes as a work from home mom it’s easy to feel like everyone else is out there living it up by scrolling social media. I always tell myself, this is just their highlight reel. No one is posting the pictures of all the diapers they change or laundry they do, but they are still all doing it just like me!

    1. I know what you mean, girl! But ya…they’re branding :). And when its your personal life thats branded… well, it’s like that ‘perfect-seeming family’, right??? Often it’s where the deepest problems are hidden. Stay messy <3

  5. This is a reminder that could benefit so many people. It’s challenging for some to understand the separation between social media and reality. Great post!

    1. Thanks os much for saying xo

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