Why I Put Myself First: Do You to Give the Most

Do you

You know how, on an airplane, you’re supposed to put your own air mask on before assisting a child? There’s a good reason for that: you aren’t going help anyone if you’re unconscious. In the wild, mothers will sacrifice a child readily if it means she or another will live. Selfish? No. If she dies, all the children (including the potential for future children) will die with her. Real selfishness is actually altruistic—in order to truly serve anyone else, you must serve yourself first. Making yourself the best possible version of yourself is the highest and best way to give the absolute most back.

Serving Yourself to Serve Others

I’ve been serving myself for over a year. I’ve had no idea why, or how, but some insight told me I needed to step away from the motions of everyone else and put my own life mask on. I hadn’t known it at the time, but I was actually developing a life-saving tool for everyone else. It felt completely self-absorbed, but… What I was doing wasn’t selfish.

For the most part, I thought I was being selfish. I put everything aside. I haven’t worked. I haven’t hung out. I lost many friends who disagreed with my choices and who I was becoming. And I generally went into a mode out of synch with the general populous. Why? I had an intention to grow what it is I needed to grow. For myself. When people would jeer, I’d tell them “I’m only doing one thing here, and it’s the only thing I’m concerned with doing”. You are only doing one thing here: you’re here to do you.

For me, there didn’t seem to be any other option, so other people’s opinions had to be put completely aside. Thank goodness for some successful entrepreneurial friends who egged me on, assuring me that by doing me I was doing the right thing, because they were the only ones who could see that by doing my thing I was about to give the best me I possibly could to the whole world. People who weren’t on my side, were quickly moved to the side. Anyone who doesn’t want you to put your own life mask on first isn’t your friend—caring deeply for your own wellbeing isn’t selfish.

The truth is: my actions have been self-centred. I did put every single that wasn’t my own self-development way back on my priorities list. I focussed wholly on what I had in mind and what I wanted to do. I created a product, from a theory I’ve worked my entire life on, and I’ve worked mind-blowingly hard to put the gears to the theory by testing every aspect out pragmatically applying it to my own life. It was hard. It was long. It was lonely. And it was all about me. Or was it…?

Being the Best You is how to Give the Best of You

Near the end, when the practical outcomes of my life’s work were stunning me, when I’d grown to feeling a sense of confidence and comfort given any situation—when my life started looking like my own and I was beginning to be able to truly show up for others (in a way which far surpassed any support or nurturing I could have offered before) it started becoming excruciatingly obvious how much what I’d done not only benefitted me, and everyone directly associated with me, but also how immensely how the growth I’d achieved could help other people achieve the same! I started getting teary when the implications of this program were glaring me in the face—I was going to change people’s lives for the better… because I’d put everyone else aside. And now I realize too, that the focus was always to free myself so I could give back.

I just had to serve myself first. And I am eternally grateful to those who have supported me throughout. and I put the call out to you to do the same.

Self improvement
Being the right kind of selfish is an investment into everyone around you

Being a Jerk isn’t Self-Serving

It’s important to note that putting yourself first should not then come at the cost of others. Other people shouldn’t ever be our stepping stools and their energy isn’t ours to harvest for our own goals. What we often call selfishness is actually stupidity. Putting yourself first at the cost of others will put you at a deficit. Short-term gain at others’ expense is a sure-fire way to put yourself far back in the running longterm. It isn’t selfish at all to do this, it’s unsustainable and wreaks of an inability to plan for the future. Putting yourself first simply means doing what you need to do before serving anyone else—because it benefits everyone longterm. Pure selfishness would never think short-term. Real self-absorption would invest in the highest calibre connectivity for the long haul. Being an actual self-serving human would be to foster helping, healing, community & relationships. Because none of us is in this alone.

Only You can Do You

Sometimes we have to take a step back to see the bigger picture; we need to be encouraged to focus on what we are bringing to the table of our communities. Especially in these days where we’ll need to group together to create a new world order (this one won’t make it), we need to be bringing whole parts of us to the shared gathering. Are you bring a whole healed version of you? If not, it’s the most altruistic thing you can possibly do to focus on You first.

Now I’m back! I’ve paid my time. The dues are done. And it’s only now I’m capable to truly serve. It feels Totally freeing to step into service: strong, suited up, equipped. Being selfish isn’t easy, being selfish is actually very hard. But it is the only way to get an easy life. We have to do the hard thing now, so life gets easy. And when we do so, we find ourselves surrounded by those who are bringing their whole selves to the gathering also; we find ourselves surrounded with people who are fully capable (with their own air masks on) to give us a hand, to lend their highest offering to our support, and be in the best kinds of relationships.

Taking Time Out to Make the Most of Your Time Here

What you bring to the table, no one else can. It’s imperative you bring what is unique about you to light, and get confident, comfortable & connected with what it is that you truly are. Your dreams are your destiny.

I’ve developed a program that uses a theory I’ve researched and developed over multiple disciplines, in numerous countries and with information spanning the recorded ages, using my experience as an athlete & academic to package it as a practical guide to effortless fitness. (I say effortless because it’s easier than staying in a struggle w/ body image, you still have to commit, you still have to take that self-serving first step & say “ok, I will, but me first”. But it won’t ask you to cut calories or hurt yourself at the gym.) It took me a lot of time to develop—that’s what I’ve been doing! But it’s unlike anything else out there & most importantly—it truly works.

You can access the free info & workshop on the program here. If you just want blog updates, shoot me an email or reply back through the workshop and can hook you up there.

Peace & so much LL

18 Replies to “Why I Put Myself First: Do You to Give the Most”

  1. Great blog! I totally agree with all that you’ve said. If we wear ourselves down and don’t put ourselves first, then we aren’t able to care for others. We are not going to be able to provide for others as well or as much if we are running ourselves ragged to do it. Self care is very necessary, and sometimes you gotta take a step back and let someone else handle things so that you can be your best you. 🙂

    1. So glad you are hearing me, chica. Stay strong! Do you 🙂

  2. This is so timely for me right now. Thanks for the reminder! xx

    1. Xx anytime

  3. Yes! I’ve been going through this same battle, trying to be more selfish so I can help others later on. My guilt is still creeping on, but I’m such a better person to be around when I do hang out with people. Thanks for sharing!

    1. So glad you like it. Oh my gosh, I feel you – I get anxious tightness in my chest sometimes when I take time out just for me! But breathing through it and just telling myself this is actually for the best everything helps me tonnes :). Peace

  4. I am still working on this. I have taken two vacations alone (ok well not alone, but without kids) and it was so worth it. But I need to learn to draw boundaries during the week too when I’m still here but need time to do my stuff.

    1. This is a challenge so many (often women) face. Kids are sponges and they can really knock it out of us! It’s then that they need us to refuel even more :). I read your blog, it seems like you’re a giver. Givers have the hardest times giving to themselves, but they’re also the ones who reap the most benefit! Because they’re right back otu there giving what they’ve received. Give yourself permission to receive :).

  5. Lovely post! I’ve been practicing “self care” for the past 3 years and it has really made an incredible difference. I feel much more in control of my life and I feel that good opportunities happen more often. There’s nothing wrong with being the right kind of selfish!

    1. Awesome to hear! I like that way of looking at it: “the right kind of selfish” :).

  6. This is sooo good!! How can we truly give of ourselves if we don’t take the time to refuel or how can we love, if we never learn how to love who we are! I agree, taking time to care for self is indeed selfless.

    1. You get it, girl. <3

  7. Can I just say that you are awesome in writing this?!? This is exactly where I would like to be in my life. Thank you for inspiring me!

  8. I actually just wrote an article about something very similar to this! Putting yourself first is essential to your own livelihood. You need to understand that you matter above all else and you need to be comfortable in your own skin. By allowing others to dictate your thoughts and actions means that you don’t truly honor yourself. Great post!

  9. I am such a selfless person and I find I give and give until I am empty and then try to refill by hibernating. That is not healthy for anyone, especially not my kids. I am learning (slowly) that it is okay to be selfish sometimes. Thank you for the reminder!

  10. Self care is so important these days! I’ve resorted to taking 2 nights a week to have a mini spa night at home. It’s been great!

  11. Amazing! I 100% agree. We have to be selfish sometimes to push through to the next level. Everyone wants a piece but it is only by taking time for ourselves and doing what we really want to do and follow our heart that we feel we can grow – even if it is difficult – even if we have to do it alone! Eventually when we start doing what we love, we will meet other people doing what they love and doing epic shit! Good post!

    1. Yes girl. You know it. All the good vibes to you!

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