You know how, on an airplane, you’re supposed to put your own air mask on before assisting a child? There’s a good reason for that: you aren’t going help anyone if you’re unconscious. In the wild, mothers will sacrifice a child readily if it means she or another will live. Selfish? No. If she dies, all the children (including the potential for future children) will die with her. Real selfishness is actually altruistic—in order to truly serve anyone else, you must serve yourself first. Making yourself the best possible version of yourself is the highest and best way to give the absolute most back.
Serving Yourself to Serve Others
I’ve been serving myself for over a year. I’ve had no idea why, or how, but some insight told me I needed to step away from the motions of everyone else and put my own life mask on. I hadn’t known it at the time, but I was actually developing a life-saving tool for everyone else. It felt completely self-absorbed, but… What I was doing wasn’t selfish.
For the most part, I thought I was being selfish. I put everything aside. I haven’t worked. I haven’t hung out. I lost many friends who disagreed with my choices and who I was becoming. And I generally went into a mode out of synch with the general populous. Why? I had an intention to grow what it is I needed to grow. For myself. When people would jeer, I’d tell them “I’m only doing one thing here, and it’s the only thing I’m concerned with doing”. You are only doing one thing here: you’re here to do you.
For me, there didn’t seem to be any other option, so other people’s opinions had to be put completely aside. Thank goodness for some successful entrepreneurial friends who egged me on, assuring me that by doing me I was doing the right thing, because they were the only ones who could see that by doing my thing I was about to give the best me I possibly could to the whole world. People who weren’t on my side, were quickly moved to the side. Anyone who doesn’t want you to put your own life mask on first isn’t your friend—caring deeply for your own wellbeing isn’t selfish.
The truth is: my actions have been self-centred. I did put every single that wasn’t my own self-development way back on my priorities list. I focussed wholly on what I had in mind and what I wanted to do. I created a product, from a theory I’ve worked my entire life on, and I’ve worked mind-blowingly hard to put the gears to the theory by testing every aspect out pragmatically applying it to my own life. It was hard. It was long. It was lonely. And it was all about me. Or was it…?
Being the Best You is how to Give the Best of You
Near the end, when the practical outcomes of my life’s work were stunning me, when I’d grown to feeling a sense of confidence and comfort given any situation—when my life started looking like my own and I was beginning to be able to truly show up for others (in a way which far surpassed any support or nurturing I could have offered before) it started becoming excruciatingly obvious how much what I’d done not only benefitted me, and everyone directly associated with me, but also how immensely how the growth I’d achieved could help other people achieve the same! I started getting teary when the implications of this program were glaring me in the face—I was going to change people’s lives for the better… because I’d put everyone else aside. And now I realize too, that the focus was always to free myself so I could give back.
I just had to serve myself first. And I am eternally grateful to those who have supported me throughout. and I put the call out to you to do the same.
Being a Jerk isn’t Self-Serving
It’s important to note that putting yourself first should not then come at the cost of others. Other people shouldn’t ever be our stepping stools and their energy isn’t ours to harvest for our own goals. What we often call selfishness is actually stupidity. Putting yourself first at the cost of others will put you at a deficit. Short-term gain at others’ expense is a sure-fire way to put yourself far back in the running longterm. It isn’t selfish at all to do this, it’s unsustainable and wreaks of an inability to plan for the future. Putting yourself first simply means doing what you need to do before serving anyone else—because it benefits everyone longterm. Pure selfishness would never think short-term. Real self-absorption would invest in the highest calibre connectivity for the long haul. Being an actual self-serving human would be to foster helping, healing, community & relationships. Because none of us is in this alone.
Only You can Do You
Sometimes we have to take a step back to see the bigger picture; we need to be encouraged to focus on what we are bringing to the table of our communities. Especially in these days where we’ll need to group together to create a new world order (this one won’t make it), we need to be bringing whole parts of us to the shared gathering. Are you bring a whole healed version of you? If not, it’s the most altruistic thing you can possibly do to focus on You first.
Now I’m back! I’ve paid my time. The dues are done. And it’s only now I’m capable to truly serve. It feels Totally freeing to step into service: strong, suited up, equipped. Being selfish isn’t easy, being selfish is actually very hard. But it is the only way to get an easy life. We have to do the hard thing now, so life gets easy. And when we do so, we find ourselves surrounded by those who are bringing their whole selves to the gathering also; we find ourselves surrounded with people who are fully capable (with their own air masks on) to give us a hand, to lend their highest offering to our support, and be in the best kinds of relationships.
Taking Time Out to Make the Most of Your Time Here
What you bring to the table, no one else can. It’s imperative you bring what is unique about you to light, and get confident, comfortable & connected with what it is that you truly are. Your dreams are your destiny.
I’ve developed a program that uses a theory I’ve researched and developed over multiple disciplines, in numerous countries and with information spanning the recorded ages, using my experience as an athlete & academic to package it as a practical guide to effortless fitness. (I say effortless because it’s easier than staying in a struggle w/ body image, you still have to commit, you still have to take that self-serving first step & say “ok, I will, but me first”. But it won’t ask you to cut calories or hurt yourself at the gym.) It took me a lot of time to develop—that’s what I’ve been doing! But it’s unlike anything else out there & most importantly—it truly works.
You can access the free info & workshop on the program here. If you just want blog updates, shoot me an email or reply back through the workshop and can hook you up there.
Peace & so much LL